10 best dogma quotes

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Most of Kevin Smith’s films are controversial for their heavy use of profanity, crass gags, and vulgar subject matter, but his fourth film Dogma was particularly polarizing for his satirical deconstruction of the teachings of the Catholic Church. One of the wackiest religious-themed comedies ever made, Dogma was condemned as blasphemy by the Catholic League (according to the Chicago Tribune).

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Matt Damon and Ben Affleck, fresh off their star hits Goodwill huntingstar in Dogma like a pair of fallen angels planning to use a loophole to return to paradise that will unwittingly invalidate the existence of God and destroy the world. This is one of Smith’s funniest movies and it has a ton of memorable quotes.


ten “Snootch To The Motherf ****** Nootch!” – Jay

Jay and Silent Bob sitting in a bar in Dogma

As in every other View Askewniverse movie, Jay and Silent Bob play supporting roles in Dogma. They join Bethany in her sacred quest and greet naked Rufus as he falls from the sky.

Jay leans on his “Snootchie slippers!” »Slogan established in Mallrats when he shouts, “Snootch to the motherf ****** nootch!” before defeating the three demons nicknamed the “Stygian triplets”.

9 “No pleasure, no rapture, no exquisite sin greater … than the central tune.” – Azrael

Jason Lee as the demon Azrael enjoying the air conditioning in Dogma

Kevin Smith’s regular collaborator Jason Lee appears in Dogma as a demon named Azrael who is sent to Earth for “routine possession” and single-handedly tries to end Loki and Bartleby’s mission.

According to Azrael, the cool, refreshing breeze from the air conditioning is an even greater pleasure than being thrilled at the end of time or entering the glorious kingdom of Heaven.

8 “Someone sold their soul to Satan to get the bulk of this piece of shit.” – Serendipity

Salma Hayek as Serendipity in Dogma

When Serendipity claims to be responsible for 19 of the 20 highest grossing movies ever made, Bethany naturally wonders which one she hasn’t been in. Turns out it was the Christmas classic. Alone at home.

She doesn’t use the actual title – instead of calling it “the kid’s, alone in his house, burglars trying to get in and he fights them” – but she claims a producer sold his soul to the devil to make it a box office success.

7 “The last four days on Earth? If I had AD ***, I would go get fucked. – Loki

Matt Damon and Ben Affleck in front of Dogma Church.

Loki makes this inappropriate remark in the middle of a crowded elevator. He tells Bartleby that instead of getting laid, they can spend their last days on Earth doing “the next best thing.”

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Since Bartleby is unclear on what it is, Loki fills him in: “Let’s kill people!” The two angels decide to go wild on the road to redemption in New Jersey. As long as their sins are absolved anyway, they think they might as well be having fun (and their idea of ​​pleasure is much more deadly than most people’s).

6 “God is a Skee-Ball fanatic.” – Rufus

Chris Rock with Jay and Silent Bob in Dogma

The funniest lines of Dogma are the ones who humanize religious figures, like when Rufus claims Jesus owes him $ 12. Jesus is a messiah that millions of followers admire, but apparently he is tight-fisted.

When Metatron refers to the “constitutional ones” that God likes to take, Rufus says it’s too late for understatements and reveals that God is a huge Skee-Ball fan.

5 “Mention something from a Charlton Heston movie and suddenly everyone is a theological scholar.” – Metatron

Alan Rickman in Dogma

Alan Rickman’s most famous performances can be found in Die hard, Galaxy Quest, and the Harry potter franchise, but he gave a hysterically dry turn as the Metatron in Dogma.

When he first visits Bethany on a religious quest, he is disappointed by her lack of knowledge about religious traditions – she doesn’t even know who he is. However, when he mentions “The Tenth Plague” from the Charlton Heston movie The ten Commandments, she suddenly knows what he’s talking about.

4 “I’m going to have to start by apologizing for my friend. He has a penchant for the dramatic. – Bartleby

Matt Damon and Ben Affleck in Dogma

On their way to salvation, Loki and Bartleby embark on a righteous slaughter, wiping unclean souls from the face of the Earth. It’s a lot of fun at first, but Loki gets into it a lot more than Bartleby – he even wants to kill someone for not saying “God bless you” when he sneezes.

In cases like this, Bartleby must step in and ground his friend before he does anything too drastic. As Loki pontificates with his murder victims, Bartleby apologizes for his friend’s “penchant for the dramatic”, which puts him lightly.

3 “No ticket!” – Silent Bob

Jay and Silent Bob standing on a highway in Dogma

When Bethany reveals her religious mission to Bartleby on a train trip to New Jersey, he realizes who she is and tries to kill her. Silent Bob throws both Bartleby and Loki off the train and says to the stunned passengers watching him: “No ticket!”

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It’s a hilarious reference to the scene from Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade in which Indy, disguised as a ticket collector on a Zeppelin, throws a German officer who recognizes him out the window into a pile of luggage. Bob rarely speaks, but he often makes an exception when citing movies.

2 ” This is not an exercise. It is The Apocalypse. Please leave the hospital in an orderly manner. – PA Hospital

Alanis Morissette appears outside the church as God in dogma.

You would think that if the apocalypse struck, hospitals would want to take in as many patients as they could to mend the wounds caused by all the end-of-the-world carnage.

But in Dogma, when the apocalypse begins and humanity’s fate is seemingly sealed, the hospital PA calmly tells everyone to exit the building “in an orderly fashion.”

1 “The Catholic Church doesn’t make mistakes … All right, mistakes have been made.” – Cardinal Glick

George Carlin made his first of several film appearances with Kevin Smith in Dogma. He plays Cardinal Glick, best known for bringing the now-beloved “Buddy Christ” meme into popular culture. When Rufus calls the church ceremony “a big mistake,” Glick says the Catholic Church doesn’t make mistakes.

Rufus and Bethany list some glaring mistakes made by the church – “silent consent to the slave trade”, “its platform of non-involvement during the Holocaust” and so on. –And, with Carlin’s hysterical impassive delivery, Glick concedes, “Alright, mistakes were made.”

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